Mapping Your Values
Hi, I’m Tom!
Also known as the values mapping specialist, and I am here to help you discover your authentic self. I learned early on in my career that conventional methods of communication don’t necessarily work. While I did implement communication theories what I began to realize was emotions and belief systems got in the way of good communication, I began to understand that a key element had been missing. After doing much work of personality traits, communication skills, conflict resolution to name a few, I understood that there had to be something deeper. It was while working with a 15-year-old youth, who had an identity crisis, I began to look at inner values; the inner core of what makes people do what they do.
I embarked on a three year journey of discovering values and how they interact with our mind and emotions. Helping to understand who you are, how to live life from the inside out - unapologetically and with a quiet confidence.
That was 15 years ago and I am still as passionate about it today as I was then, I understand through my own values of non-judgement and empathy I can walk with people through their many trials and situations. I believe in helping them dismantle their armour, live their true authentic selves and experience life that they only imagined!
what are VALUES?
Values Mapping is the way to find your way back to your authentic self by asking and answering the question: WHO AM I?
Did you know this is the number one global question asked? In fact it is googled over 2 million times a month. That’s a lot of people wondering who they truly are.
What exactly are values?
Our values go deeper than personality traits which can change over the years. Values, however, never change. These have been in our lives from day one, they are the result of our parents DNA.
Why are they so important?
Everything we do comes from our values. Even conflict, which comes from us defending our values.
What do we do with our values?
We cannot negotiate our values away, we are or we are not our values. Therefore, we can only do two things: give them up or fight for them. By identifying our values, we can see ourselves clearer, we can explain our inner motives to others and we can see others with a different perspective.
how do we map our values?
You will discover who you are, not through a questionnaire, but by wrestling and going deeper to reveal your authentic self. Your God-given authentic self. Through a series of values mapping exercises, you will go through five very important steps. Through these steps, you will discover what best describes you or what do you want others to truly know and believe about you?
You will identify seven core values that serve as the foundation of all past and present life stories and experiences, and will go on a journey of self discovery through personal investigative journalism. Inviting others to share with you how they experienced you or what they saw in you as a child, because as children we live out our values unfiltered.
Next, you will discover the values of those of your father and mother. Have you ever wondered why you sound like your mom… Or you act like your dad. This is your parents DNA in your life. We will weave your way through the complexities of teenage years and young adult life. Who did you feel safe with growing up? Whoever you felt safe with… You could be yourself with, no fear of judgment, no fear of rejection, no shame.
Then we look at how you react to those around you. What are they doing, what are they saying? What gets an instant reaction out of you, you can’t even help yourself, it just happens. Whatever people are doing around, you is triggering a value, activating a reaction, which is neither positive or negative, it is simply out of your core values of who you are.
The last part of wrestling that you will do are the decisions that you have made with yourself. Have you ever said to yourself “I would never do this to anyone or it would never enter my mind to say this.” These are commitments or decisions that we’ve made for ourselves. These are generally made based on our values.
Once we identify your seven core values, we will write out your personal definition for each value going into as much detail as possible. Then we will want to explore your behaviour around these particular values. This isn't about fitting a value into your current behaviour; rather, it’s about discovering the values that naturally drive all your actions.
How would you practically live out each value?
Your body language, how would you behave?
How would you talk?
What would your actions be?
What would your lifestyle be?
Lastly, we'll anchor these values in enduring truths—whether through the word of God or inspirational quotes that resonate with you—to provide a strong foundation for living in alignment with your true self. Once this is established, these values become the container for all your life stories. As a counselor, I become like an eye doctor—changing the prescription on your lens to help you see yourself more clearly. By recognizing and living out your values authentically, you'll create balance in your life.
Have you ever wondered what it is like to live life from the inside out instead of the outside in?
Living your life from the inside out would be living out all of your values with the same amount of influence. What that will do is bring you true happiness, a quiet confidence, and an unapologetic way of living with not only yourself internally, but with others.
We will go inside and discover the difference between our will, and our mind and emotions.
What the Civil War is like going on inside of your head. We will dive deeply into decision-making and what do we base our choices on.
Discover who is fighting against your authentic self and why.
How to put your mind and emotions under new management and be free of their criticism based on your past.
You will shift from a foundation of reactions, cyclical experiences, and the constant realization that you are stuck.
You will be able to create a wedge between what your mind and emotions are doing to you and what your authentic values want to empower you with. We will dive into the three stages of our mind and emotions and how that contradicts our authentic selves. We will understand the difference between our soul and our spirit, and how God is intertwined in our spirit, understanding the difference between living in freedom or living in fear.
Our decision making is an integral part of how we live, we will discover three ways we make choices and why we may find it hard to commit to a new lifestyle, a new way of living.
We will look at conflict, both internal and external and how values Can bring people closer in conflict. Why we do not have to run from conflict any longer, but create a deeper more meaningful relationship.
There will be five new ways of managing conflict that when it is implemented, you will not be afraid but you will be free to speak your truth.
What happens if we don’t live our values out fully?
We might at times, pick out which values we will live out in any given situation. When this happens, we end up, feeling unsure and insecure, and people around us are confused about which person is showing up. We don’t know what to base our decisions on anymore because we become reactionary. and when this happens, then the situation or the people are in charge of us because we are no longer living authentically.
Something else that begins to happen is we are not able to like or love ourselves, give ourselves empathy, or remain nonjudgmental towards ourselves. We will hold ourselves in contempt. When this happens, we will give excellent advice to others, but we won’t take it ourselves. We are stuck. We are unsure how to operate and function in the world, we don’t know how to have healthy relationships with others and a healthy relationship with ourselves.
This will create an incredible amount of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.
We will look at who we are and what we do.
We know we have values and shadow values operating within us, and by looking at our shadow value side we will understand what forgiveness and restoration looks like when we don’t live out our authentic selves. We will separate acceptance and agreement. this will help us to understand how to be in disagreement with others and yet still love them and support them and treat them with dignity. And one of the key elements here is understanding the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt actually can produce good things in our lives where shame will never have a positive outcome.
We will look at your life the way it is now, Non values filtered.
We will look at the events that are happening in your life, we will put them through the steps of the mind and emotions, thoughts and feelings.
We will look at the effects of the event, the global statements, and then the action and outcomes of the event this is where we build armour, and form belief systems about ourselves and others, and even God.
But we won’t stay there…
We will change to a values filtered life, exposing the lies and covering it with the truth.
You will begin to examine and filter your mind and emotions through your values. You will learn to impose your values on your mind and emotions. To un-train and retrain them to lineup to your values, who you authentically are.
You will have values language around wounds and triggers.
You will learn to rewrite the past and create new scenarios and new memories.
There will be whole and healthy outcomes, and actions produced from the event, this will create freedom as you learn more about yourself, others, and God.
As you share who you are with others, you will begin to see who they are with you.
You will discover why you have the friends that you have, they will have many of the same values you have.
You will also see why other friends or coworkers rub you the wrong way, they have many different values than you have.
You will begin to understand the motivations and the intentions of others hearts as you hope that they will understand yours.
If you are a parent, you will begin to see not only your parents values in you, but you will begin to see your values in your children. You can validate these values and bring them to the surface with your children.
You can use your values as a set of guidelines that every member of the family would live out to create a healthy culture.
And if you’re looking into dating, use values language in your profile and what values you are looking for in a life partner
Implementing these things, discovering your values, and living from the inner core of who you are is the most freeing existence that you will experience.
You will stop apologizing for who you are, and you will begin to share with confidence, removing all doubt about why you do what you do the way you’re doing it.
You will live out new ways of living. Being vulnerable by showing others the changes that have taken place in your life.
You can live a life now from the inside out based on new decisions from discovering your values.
“I will commit to speaking my values and yours into my life every day until they become embedded into my belief system.“
“ I promise to change the way I look at myself and at you”
“I will begin to live vulnerably in areas of my life such as my kids, siblings, parents, friends, coworkers, realizing that my values are a gift to whoever I am coming into contact with“
“I am committed to see you through the lens of your values, and I’m asking if you would do the same for me?”
“You do not have to change into anything you are not. Be courageous to change into the person you actually are“
– Tom Brooks.
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