Restorative Marriage
Marriage, as envisioned by God, is a sacred union built on love, respect, and mutual support. It is meant to be a relationship where both partners uplift each other, grow together, and create an environment of nurturing and spiritual enrichment. Unfortunately, not all marriages reflect these ideals, many individuals find themselves trapped in emotionally disconnected "marriages" out of fear of judgment or punishment from the church. We recognize that the church too often treats divorce as the worst sin, overlooking the importance of mutual nourishment, love, and growth that a healthy marriage should foster. Just as Matthew 13 speaks of the sower and the seeds that produce fruit on good ground, we believe that in a flourishing marriage, both partners must share their “fruit”—their love, support, and encouragement—for true nourishment to take place.
We often hear that you must chose your marriage that it is a choice, at Brooks & Birch we challenge that narrative and believe you must chose the person, this is how to have a marriage that honours God. The idea that you must chose the marriage, can potentially be damaging in that it often causes individuals to believe that they must stay no matter what, and these unhealthy marriages can often be marked with mistreatment, subtle abuse, and neglect.
We approach the topic of marriage and divorce through a lens of grace and compassion. We believe that God desires passion and love within marriages, and living in a relationship that lacks these qualities is counter to His intentions. Unfortunately, many within the church face stigma and judgment when dealing with divorce, often feeling trapped in emotionally disconnected "marriages" devoid of fulfillment.
But Doesn’t God Hate Divorce?
This common question leads us to reflect on the nature of God's love and intentions for us. While the Bible does express that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), it is important to understand the deeper meaning behind that sentiment. God's disdain for divorce stems not from a desire to punish but from His profound love for us. He has never divorced us; rather, He remains steadfast and committed, even when we falter. Our marriages are meant to represent our relationship with Him and His relationship with us, characterized by love, commitment, and grace.
However, if we are living in marriages that do not embody this unconditional love—where partners experience emotional distance, withheld affection, lack of love, and judgment—then the essence of a godly marriage is compromised. In such cases, it is essential to recognize that a marriage can be marked by an emotional divorce, which can cause more harm than good.
Too many people suffer in silence, fearing the church's response, we seek to challenge these notions and create a safe space for individuals to explore their feelings, rediscover their values, and find the courage to pursue the fulfilling relationships God has designed for them.
Re-imagining Marriage
Confronting Emotional Bondage
Unfortunately, not all marriages reflect these ideals, especially those involving narcissistic dynamics, where the relationship becomes a site of emotional bondage rather than a space for love and growth.
In a marriage with a narcissist, the dynamics often shift towards control, manipulation, and blame. Narcissists may create an illusion of martyrdom, presenting themselves as noble or sacrificial for "staying" in the marriage despite underlying issues. This can lead to a false perception among friends, family, and the church community that the narcissist is doing the "right" thing by enduring or even "sacrificing" themselves for the relationship. However, this perception ignores the emotional distance, lack of love, and degradation experienced by the other partner.
For the partner entangled in such a relationship, the emotional toll can be immense. They may feel trapped, unable to leave due to fear of judgment or misunderstanding from the community, commonly reinforced by the narcissist's portrayal of commitment. This type of emotional bondage is detrimental, as it stifles personal growth and prevents the authentic, mutual love God intended.
Breaking free from such a marriage requires immense courage. It involves recognizing that staying in a relationship that does not honour God's principles of love and respect is not a sign of virtue or faithfulness but a perpetuation of harm. We encourage individuals trapped in these cycles to seek freedom and healing, even in the face of potential blame or backlash.
Through providing a supportive environment individuals can explore their values, voice their struggles, and find strength in their faith. By fostering honest discussions and embracing each person's journey toward healing and renewal, we aim to dismantle the stigma around divorce and promote understanding of what constitutes a truly godly marriage.
Does This Mean We Walk Away When Things Get Tough?
Absolutely Not! We recognize that navigating the complexities of marriage and relationships is not about giving up when challenges arise. Instead, our focus is on working with individuals and couples to explore their unique situations and to strengthen their marriages. Marriage is designed to be a sacred union built on love, respect, and mutual support—a relationship where both partners uplift one another, grow together, and cultivate an environment of nurturing and spiritual enrichment. Our goal is to work with couples to help them build a godly marriage characterized by these principles while also recognizing when it may be time to walk away from unhealthy dynamics.
We offer a range of services, including pre-marital counseling, marital counseling, and divorce counseling, delivered collaboratively by Tom and Elizabeth. We believe that addressing these issues requires an approach that honors each individual's and couple’s unique journey. Marriage, as envisioned by God, is a sacred union that should uplift both partners.
As we navigate these tough questions, we aim to provide a safe space where individuals can explore their feelings, rediscover their values, and find the courage to pursue fulfilling relationships that honor both God and themselves. We are dedicated to helping people reclaim their worth and authenticity, challenging the status quo, and offering support to those facing difficult marital situations. Just as Jesus treated the woman at the well with compassion and understanding, we strive to offer support and empathy to those navigating difficult marital situations. Instead of facing condemnation, individuals need to be embraced and encouraged to seek authentic relationships that reflect God’s love.
If you are seeking support in your marriage or relationship, Tom and Elizabeth are here to come alongside you, and work with you.
Contact us
Interested in working together? Fill out some info and we will be in touch shortly. We can’t wait to hear from you!